Confessions of the Heart
by words-are-my-weakness
Summary: A quiet drink at the end of the day leads to not only one, but two declarations of love for Sandra. Who will she choose?
1. Chapter 1

She walked away with her head held high, shoulders back and a mask that was set to fool. At a safe distance, the pouring rain camouflaged her tears and the sound of the passing traffic muffled her sobs. She couldn't let them see her upset. She couldn't let herself be seen as weak; people took advantage when they saw others' weaknesses, and letting people in only meant one thing...pain. It wasn't her fault she was so independent and strong-willed, she was born this way, and the more people that came into her life, the more distant she became in relationships in an attempt to protect her heart. The only person in her life she trusted was her dad. But when she was fourteen he died and her world fell apart. She lived in his image, following in his footsteps. But thirty years later, she found out she had been living a lie; her dad wasn't the man she thought he was. She wasn't about to be so trusting again.

The sound of her heels touching against the pavement became distant and quiet and the sight of her from behind became smaller as she marched into the darkness. The voice from the person watching her called 'Wait' in a strong accent. She heard but chose to ignore. She couldn't deal with anymore tonight.

Her car seemed to be parked miles away, and after more than a few glasses of dry white wine, Sandra was in no fit state to drive. Sandra battled through the tears and the window wipers on the car struggled to keep up with the rain crashing off of the windscreen. But somehow she managed to get home safely, without crashing or being stopped by an area car. She breathed a sigh of relief as she pulled the key out of the engine, before stepping out of the car and back into the pouring rain.

The house was dark and empty and the only thing on Sandra's mind was getting to the fridge to crack open the next bottle of wine. She could still see the past few hours replaying in her mind, which clearly meant she had not had enough to drink.

_FLASHBACK OF THE PAST FEW HOURS..._

The case was closed, the people that needed to be behind bars were behind bars and the paperwork was all in order. Strickland was happy and that only meant one thing...

"Pub?" Sandra suggested, knowing the boys wouldn't refuse. It was dark outside and beginning to rain; winter was coming and didn't they know it?! Steve was settling in well...a little too well in Sandra's eyes. But still the massive hole Jack left remained. He had been like a father to Sandra, as well as her mentor, colleague and friend. He was everyone's friend and colleague, and although Steve had filled the vacancy of Jack's job, he could not, and nor could anyone else, fill all the other things that he was.

Steve bought the first round and sat sipping his pint next to his new boss. "Sandra, can I have a word?" he asked ominously.

"Sure" she replied with a smile, not knowing what to expect. "I really respect you as an officer; all that you've achieved and the boys love you.." he broke off.

"That's nice, but where's this going Steve?" she asked, getting more worried now.

"I...I really like you Sandra" he confessed nervously, like a schoolboy, like a duck out of water some may say.

He took a deep breath whilst Sandra sat speechless, before he bit the bullet and leant in. She pulled back as soon as she realised what was happening, before his wet pink lips met hers.

"What are you doing?!" she exclaimed, holding her hand against his chest, keeping him at a safe distance.

"Life's short Sandra, and then oh shit, you die, and you never know the day!" He sounded like a self help book, quoting something that really should make sense but is easier said than done.

Sandra grew redder in embarrassment, anger, fear to an extent but was also flattered. Gerry approached the table and noticed the growing tension.

"Where's that knife Brian?" he joked, nudging Brian's arm with his elbow. "I could use it to cut the atmosphere!" Brian didn't look amused...neither did Steve...or Sandra. "Seriously, what's up?"

"He made a pass at her" Brian spoke quietly through gritted teeth, loud enough for Gerry to hear, but so as not to broadcast it to the entire pub.

"HE DID WHAT?" Gerry shouted, not being as discrete. "WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? MARCHING IN HERE AND THINKING HE CAN GET ANY GIRL HE WANTS!"

"Gerry...Gerry" Brian tried. "People are looking Gerry. Besides, you thought the sun shone out of his..."

"ENOUGH...all of you" Sandra hushed the pair of them in seconds. "Steve...Gerry's right...and Gerry...its none of your bloody business who I may or may not see...and Brian...nah nothing"

"Haha...you act like you're an old married couple!" Brian laughed at Gerry's expense. He knew how much Gerry liked Sandra. He could even go as far as saying he loved her. There was chemistry between them and no one could deny it.

"Yeah, so back off mate!" Steve encouraged Gerry.

"Oi, I'm not your mate" Gerry got angrier. "Why don't you just sod off back to Scotland, where you belong"

Steve jumped up from his seat, almost spilling his pint down himself. He lunged at Gerry but Gerry's fist met Steve's nose first.

"Ha" Gerry bragged. "You think a woman as beautiful and lovely as her would go for a pathetic little weasel like you?! That's the funniest thing I've heard all year!"

"All of you...just stop it" Sandra stood, taking a hold of her bag and coat and making for the door. Tears welled up in her eyes but she bit them back refusing to cry in front of her colleagues. That was weakness in her eyes, so she was forced to fake a smile, she was forced to lie. Gerry's declaration of love with an absence of words threw her. He was a rough diamond in many ways, but had more marriages than she had had hot dinners. An unlikely pair was an understatement.

"Sandra...wait" Gerry called, rushing out of the pub after her.

"Waitttttt" Steve called louder...No reply. Tears fell. And by some luck, she was at home, on her own sofa, drinking wine and watching the television.

Well tomorrow wasn't going to be awkward at all was it?!


	2. Chapter 2

I look in the mirror and I see an old woman staring back at me. It isn't me. It looks like my mother. Every line and every crease highlights my age. I'm not wearing my disguise yet, I'm not long up and my mask of make-up is not yet laid onto my face. My hair looks dirty in its bun on the top of my head, but I really can't be bothered with it today. It feels as though it is going to be a top, jeans and boots day. The old faithful denim jacket with the fur will be coming out, it looks cold and it bloody well feels cold in this place, heating or no heating! Still I have the joys of the day to come; another case to solve, trying to understand, or not, the strange little things I catch Brian doing, and now I have two men I somehow have to fight off! I've never had men fight over me before, not bad for a...mature woman! And there was me thinking I'd lost it. Steve just isn't my type; he has drive and ambition and isn't a bad looking guy, he just isn't the sort of bloke I'd go for. Then there's Gerry. He is unreliable at the best of times, hot headed, been married more times than I care to remember but he is a sweet, caring, family man. He would be like an old pair of slippers, on whom I could always depend. But do I really want comfy old slippers when I can have a sparkly pair of heels? Maybe it is time I settled down, I am getting on after all, and soon enough I'll be all alone, pushing my Zimmer frame around wishing I had done something about it. Oh I don't know what to do. If my mum was here now, she'd tell me to stop moping and bag someone like Strickland. There is no way she would ever approve of me turning up and saying 'hey mum, great news, this is your future son-in-law!" She'd eat him for breakfast. She'd like Steve; he would get her seal of approval. But everything I have ever done, which has been my choice, what I wanted, and what was right for me, my mother has not agreed with. Dad would have wanted me to be happy; he would have made an effort with any bloke I bought home. But Dad said he loved me. If he really loved me he wouldn't have taken his own life and left me.

A quick slap on the cheek bought me back to reality. What the hell am I doing, contemplating actually going out with one of these dinasours?! I can't. It would never work. Personal relationships and politics don't mix, everyone knows that. I have never thought about either of them romantically before. Could it work?

As I apply the final touches of my make-up and brush my hair from my face with my fingers, I think I am ready to face whatever the day will bring. Maybe it's time to let my guard down and give it a go. What's the worst that can happen?


	3. Chapter 3

_**Really short update, sorry it's not the best one, just need an in between chapter and can't think of anything to write. (Drowning in coursework so shouldn't even be writing fanfic...guilty pleasure!)**_

"Morning Brian" Sandra said cheerfully as she entered the office, looking straight past Gerry and Steve as though they weren't there. It was childish, she knew, but the silent treatment was her preferred method of dealing with the situation today.

"Good morning Sandra" Brian replied, not wanting to be rude, but even for a man, he sensed something was wrong straight away.

"Oh, good morning boss" Gerry called to Sandra as she disappeared into her office.

"Yeah, morning guv" Steve followed.

No reply came. Gerry couldn't stand knowing that deep down Sandra was upset.

"Can I have a word?" Gerry asked, walking towards the open door of the small office, located at the back of UCOS.

"Not now" she replied and walked past him once again, looking straight ahead, as if he was not there.

"I'm not being rude Guv'ner..." he tried to reply but was stopped in his tracks.

"Right, this case landed on my desk last night" Sandra began, putting photos on the whiteboard and scribbling notes that were not clear to anyone what they said. Gerry didn't dare ask what it read in fear of getting his head bitten off, for being rude or deliberately obtuse. Steve didn't say a word.

Sandra talked for some time about the case, barely taking a breath in between each sentence. "So, what do you think?" she asked eventually, pausing for someone else to take turn.

"You're unusually quiet this morning, you normally have an opinion" Brian mocked at Steve.

"Ah, I don't really know" Steve replied, feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

"Late night?" Brian asked, really starting to worry now at everyone's strange behaviour.

"Something like that" was the quickest reply Steve could give to shut Brian up without having to divulge anything that happened the previous night. Brian decided to stay in the pub when Gerry and Steve chased after Sandra. Brian knew Sandra would have been upset, that was still upset, and angry...very angry. He knew what Steve had done, but he didn't know what happened on the other side of the pub door.

"Okay well, I need someone to talk to the mother and the CCTV from Finsbury Park Road. Brian, let's go" Sandra wasn't to be messed with; Brian jumped to it and grabbed his coat and scarf.

"I, will talk to the mother. It requires a sensitive touch" Gerry shot at his new sworn enemy and left the office before Steve had time to answer.

"Then why are you going?!" Steve shot back to the swinging door, Gerry already gone. "Ah, shit" he muttered. Steve followed suit and pulled his jacket on. He didn't want to face people, to have to pretend to be nice to them, but sitting moping in the office wasn't going to get himself back into Sandra's good books.


End file.
